12 Stages of Healing Your Shadow

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~ Rumi

It is important to surrender to the stage of emotional healing you are naturally in, rather than striving to reach a higher stage. These stages are my encapsulation of the excellent book "The 12 Stages of Healing" by Daniel M. Epstein.

Stage 1: Suffering

I am helpless and overwhelmed in my emotional pain.

We are trained early to avoid emotional suffering. Emotional suffering comes from the dishonouring, denying, or alienating aspects of our authentic self. Emotional pain is part of our human condition, and at this stage, it feels like "Something is really wrong. I feel like I am going to die with this pain. There is no way out. Nothing works."

Stage 1 involves surrendering to the suffering you feel without trying to escape from it. If you try to avoid suffering, it becomes even more intense, often showing up uninvited, at inopportune times.

Stage 2: Polarities and Rhythms

There is a rhythm within me, and I am within this rhythm.

In stage two, you recognize that the repressed shadow aspects of yourself have a life of their own. They are frozen in the past and are out of touch with your current reality. These individual parts have separated away from the whole of who you are.

In stage two, you have not yet claimed your inner power, and you look to outside authority figures to support your healing. For this reason, therapeutic interventions are often needed in stage two.

As you progress through stage two, you will notice rhythms and patterns in your suffering, and you will see that you participate in it. You start to notice, "I have gone through this before. This is a pattern."

Stage 3: Stuck in a Perspective

I want to move ahead, but I can't.

Much of our "stuckness" is automatic. Our nervous system gets locked into old defense patterns, and this traps us into a fixed perspective about life. In stage three, we recognize that old hurt or trauma is still the cause of our problems today. We feel, "I want to move ahead, but I can't." We gain awareness that we create our troubles by staying stuck in an old perspective.

Stage 4: Reclaiming Power

I take my power back.

In Stage 4, we proclaim, "I am not going to take this anymore!" We have been disconnected from our wholeness for too long, and we no longer wish to remain this way.

We realize that we have dishonoured our authentic self in some way. We might say, "I have to change emotionally, but I don't know what to do." At this stage, we can trust that change will arrive when our body-mind has healed enough to accommodate it.

As we progress through Stage 4, deep self-respect emerges. The statement, "I just have to do this now," is expressed without the angry charge we experienced in earlier stages.

Stage 5: Joining with the Shadow

I welcome all my parts and experiences.

The fifth stage of healing involves joining with the fears, pains, illusions, and concerns behind our suffering. At this stage, we are called to confront every aspect within from a place of strength and a sincere desire for wholeness.

Separation from your light or your dark will produce suffering. With joining, the parts of your nature that are the most alienated, disliked, or ignored are integrated into the rest of our being.

Joining with our suffering is not encouraged by symptom-oriented doctors, psychologists, and traditional practitioners, who advocate moving away from the chaos of suffering and toward restoring "order" through drugs, surgery, behaviour modification, body manipulation, and psychoanalysis.

To heal emotionally, we must look at what is behind our emotional chaos and invest our energy in getting to know our neglected inner aspects better. In stage five, we join with our discomfort and discover what it has to teach us.

Stage 6: Preparing for Resolution

I am ready. It is OK to let go.

Stage 6 is both an action and a transitional stage. At this stage, our body-mind must become more flexible so we can discharge trapped perspectives, memories, old information, energies, and patterns. The aspects of our being that are no longer able to adapt to our new sense of self must be released.

The emotional release will occur at its own time, at the discretion of our innate wisdom, and when our nervous system is freer of interference and our body-mind is flexible enough to accommodate a major change. At this stage, we have become stronger at being present with our emotional pain.

Now is the time to prepare for a major emotional discharge. Understanding that there is a buildup of tension that must be released and that the dissonant or alienated body rhythm must resolve itself, we may need to make lifestyle modifications, including healthy eating, exercise, and bodywork.

Stage 7: Resolution

I release that which no longer serves me.

The buildup of long-held emotional tension eventually leads to an involuntary discharge. We might cry, throw up, sneeze, laugh uncontrollably, or get sick with a fever during the emotional discharging phase of healing.

The goal of modern medicine is to control or eliminate all discharge to return to "normal." When we medicate to avoid discharge, emotional resolution cannot fully occur.

When we are out of control, we are usually considered sick. Donald M. Epstein shares, "I have found that healing involves a resolution of dissonant rhythms and the release of trapped energy. Resolution occurs through discharge.

Discharge refers to the release of energy or tension. The discharge may involve the release of trapped energy, repressed or ignored information, or toxins on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. Releasing often includes a temporary loss of control.

 Stage 8: Emptiness

I experience the fullness of my emptiness.

Stage 8 is a stage of emptiness, vulnerability, and new possibilities. Emptiness is the portal that leads to higher states of awareness. After the discharge of stage 7, there is calm and lightness. The feelings of emptiness and aloneness can feel strange and uncomfortable, but they set the stage for deeper spiritual exploration.

In stage 7, we have released much of the armour and distractions from our natural wholeness. Now we emerge feeling raw and vulnerable, without usual reference points. We may feel lonely, but our emptiness leaves room for new possibilities and connections.

Stage 9: Light Behind Form

"I experience my energetic connection with the world."

Stage 9 begins the transcendent stages of the emotional healing process. We begin to perceive spiritual light behind all physical forms. Gratitude and awe accompany this stage, and old buried trauma will continue to clear in this spiritual light.

In Stage 9, we feel warmth, light, and vitality. This tingling of spiritual energy often accompanies the transition to a new reality. For some, the experience of this spiritual energy or vital force feels like a wave or pulsation moving through the body. These wave-like pulsations in parts or in the entire body can follow the emptiness after an emotional release.

Stage 10: Ascent

I am One.

In Stage 9, we experienced a sense of being filled with spiritual energy. In stage 10, rather than the universal intelligence expressing itself through us, we become one with this intelligence.

Because we have spent most of our lives being trapped in patterns of "alienated wholeness" or "non-accessible wholeness," we finally meet the unrecognized wholeness of our being.

In Stage 10, we become connected to the field of Universal Consciousness, and we are open to the knowledge, wisdom and inspiration this field contains, which may be artistic, scientific, religious, or philosophical.

Stage 11: Descent

I illuminate all my experiences.

In Stage 10, we understand that our lives are no longer what they used to be. In Stage 11, we return to our human lives with new spiritual perspectives, more energy, and greater understanding. We engage in our human relationships, earn a living, cook meals and take out the garbage while staying connected to Source.

Stage 12: Community

I give my gifts and receive the gifts of others.

In Stage 12, our "I am" consciousness is reestablished as a new and expanded sense of self, and we move into our relationships with others no longer tainted by or attached to our emotional past.

We are filled with love, light, intelligence, and goodness. In Stage 12, we find that our ultimate healing is associated with our active participation in human life. We maintain ongoing loving communion with our wounds, joys, and sorrows. We also fulfill our outer tasks in life with joy.